Wildflowers (working title) by Aryn

[Audra McKlennon]

I swallowed thickly even thinking about telling him the truth behind my less than average behavior as of late. Yet here I was, about to tell my best friend that I wan't kidding when I sent him those texts about being in love with him. How the hell had I even fallen for this boy? I wasn't naieve enough to think that it would work out like it did in the movies. I was eighteen, and an old eighteen at that. I knew better, at least that's what I was telling myself; but, if I was being completely honest with myself, there was a tiny kernel of hope buried deep inside of me. A tiny kernel that, at this moment, I was desperately wishing had been stolen along with the rest of my dreams and aspiritions.

My hands shook with the nervous adrenaline that was pumping through my system. Failingly, I took two deep breaths of the cool afternnon air in an attempt to steady my quaking hands. It was spring and I could taste the wildflowers on the back of my tongue; sweet, but mostly bitter. Just like me.

I lifted my grey-green eyes from the rough pavement I was standing on. My breath caught as I realized that it was real this time. It wasn't just another dream. I was really going to go through with it this time. And there he was. Smiling, still clueless as to why I had summoned him to meet me in this parking lot of my former high school; the one he still attended. His black sports car glinted in the bright afternoon sunlight. The cloudless sky only made his crystal blue eyes that much more intense, and I knew in that moment that I was making a huge mistake. Yet, at the same time, I knew it was too late. I'd already let go of that cliff's edge. The only thing left to do was to see how I landed: on my feet, like a cat; or crumpled, broken, and bruised. In my mind, I knew the second was much more likely, but htis train was already rolling. I wasn't strong enough to stop it anymore.

I exhaled the breath I hadn't consciously decided to hold. "Umm..." I started. Brilliant.

[Audra McKlennon]

"Listen," I stalled. How was I going to do this? Lost in thought I let my eyes fully focus on his face for the first time. The pleasant, animated smile had faded. In it's place was something entirely different: horror mixed with humiliation. Was he humiliated for himself? Was the idea of us together really so strange to him? Years of assuming that ridicule was always close at hand made me defensive almost immediately. That hostile energy gave me the courage to continue. "You might have noticed already, but I don't think I can just let it sit there, unspoken, anymore." My eyes dropped to his feet. Pumas, of course. With my eyes still trained on his shoes, I continued. "I like you. Not just as a friend, though that really is plenty for me, right now." The rest of my words got lost on their way out, and I coughed. It gave me enough time to process what I had just done. Oh shit. I wanted to take it back. I wanted to run away. I concluded with two sentences: "I know you don't feel the same, but I had to put it out there. Don't worry about it." Quickly, I spun on my left heel and quite ungracefully scrambled back into my car.

Before I got the door shut, however, a much too familiat voice stopped me. "I know." Those two words froze my entire body.

Though I knew it was silly and childish, I refused to raise my eyes to meet his. "You know what, exactly?" My voice was a tad sharper than I had intended.